i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
