i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
