your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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