You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
