Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
