You can't special order awesome
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
