its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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