i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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