i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
