i just google imaged poop.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
