When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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