please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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