Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
