Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
