I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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