Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's never too late to be topless.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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