we're chasing vodka with high fives
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
