and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
