The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
