I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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