So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
