I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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