This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
