She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
