I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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