I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
