i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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