I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
