Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
