Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
