Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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