oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
