She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
