Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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