I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
