next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
