watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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