I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
