We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
