By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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