I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
