eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize