somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
