Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
