he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
