I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
