He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
