First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
