I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
