when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
