idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
