i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
