no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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