apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
