he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
