why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
