Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
