Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize