Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
