You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
