If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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