Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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