we have pet lesbian snakes
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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