I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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