i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
