i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just gift wrapped bread.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
