On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
