so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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