I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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